Tonight, on my way home from work, I was listening to an old CD I made a while back. It had music on there of bands and artists I used to obsess over in the beginning of high school when I was a freshman. It included:
All Time Low‘s albums “Nothing Personal” and “So Wrong It’s Right”.
Boys Like Girls‘s albums “Boys Like Girls”.
Hellogoodbye‘s albums “Hellogoobye” and “Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs! and More!”.
The Maine‘s albums “Can’t Stop Won’t Stop”, “Everything I Ask For”, and “The Way We Talk”.
Great bands, great songs. All alternative and indie rock genre.
Driving home listening to this made me feel very nostalgic. I relaxed, leaned my head on the head restraint, and blasted it.
It felt so right. Just myself and I driving home, listening to amazing music.
And it made me remember what I was like back then, when these songs first came out. How I acted, how I dressed. What my philosophy on life was. How well I did in school, if I made an effort in school. Who my friends were at the time. Who weren’t my friends then but are now. Who I dated then. How I felt about it. How I feel about it now. But most of all:
How I’ve changed.
I’ve matured so much. I dress differently, not jeans and DC’s every day anymore. Now I where skirts, tights, dresses, blouses, boots, flats, jeans, jumpers, etc.
My philosophy was, I believe, to just live life one step at a time. Not think about the future or the past, just the present. Just what’s happening now at this moment. Now, my philosophy is to not take life for granted, enjoy the little things, and do think about the future, past, and present.
I did okay in school as a freshman. I was a B student, did my homework, studied for some tests. But I never did projects, i.e. research papers, term papers. Every now and then I’d paid attention and always talked too much in class. Now I am an A student, do all my homework, study for all tests, do all projects and papers, pay attention in class, and only sometimes talk in class.
My friends at the time were definitely different. At least the ones that weren’t as close to me. Heather and Victor are still my best friends now as they were then. But I’m not as close as I’d like to be anymore with some people, maybe for good reasons.
Dating. I took dating a whole lot less seriously and risky when I was a freshman. I didn’t know the feeling of love. The feeling of infatuation. I didn’t know the feeling of heart break. Of depression. I let myself fall into love too fast, trust too fast, and move deeper into the relationship too fast. Now, I am cautious with who I let myself fall for, who I let hold my heart, who I trust, and take it more seriously. Now I am always in control of how fast the relationship moves. Sometimes good, other times excruciatingly slow.
I’ve changed so much. It’s a good thing, I know it is. There was a time where I didn’t love myself. I didn’t like who I was or where I was or who the people I associated with were. But I overcame that obstacle and it taught me many valuable lessons.
Now, I do love myself. I like who I am, where I am, and the people that are in my life. It’s a great feeling.
But with graduation just around the corner, and college down the short road ahead, I’ve been feeling more nostalgic than usual. Especially about my childhood. Everything I just wrote was obviously about myself as a teenager, and I still am, but a different one now.
I’m more polite to people, adults, children. I make sure to say “Bless you.” every time someone sneezes, even if I don’t know the person. I smile and greet everyone I pass (most of the time). I’m a courteous driver, defensive, but polite. And I don’t say, or even write, “Oh my God.” anymore. I say/write, “Oh my gosh.”
But back to my childhood, I got side-tracked, sorry.
As a child, I remember having such a great childhood. Sure there were times when I had to jump over rocks in the road, but I came out as a better person than before. I loved being a child… Recess in school. Oh my gosh! How I miss it! Doesn’t everyone, though?
So when I finally pulled up my driveway tonight and I was home, I turned the engine off and sat there for a minute or two. Just thinking.
Thinking about all of this.
How I will miss it so.
But then all I have to do is go to that certain song or band and it’ll flow right back to me. For music isn’t just for entertainment. Music is for memories. The good and the bad.
So cheers. Here’s to nostalgic music.
2011 (c) Jennifer Gioia