You Are My World

 

When I’m with you, moments seem to last longer, but days seem to pass by quicker.

Every love song on the radio reminds me of you, some even bring tears of joy to my eyes.

That’s never happened to me before.

When we’re apart, I anxiously wait for the next time we meet.

When we kiss goodbye, I wish we could have one more kiss.

The world comes to a halt when I’m in your arms.

The heat of your body always warms me perfectly.

Sometimes I like to trace the features of your face.

I always seem to swim in your eyes. The colors they can change to never cease to amaze me.

When I close my eyes, I see your smiling face push through the dark.

The thought of you not in my life, I can’t even imagine.

When I try to, my world tumbles over.

I always wish for you on every eyelash.

I’ve always dreamt of a love like ours.

It’s still hard to grasp that it’s real, that it’s really happening to me. To us.

I see sparks fly whenever you smile.

Butterflies still flutter around when you kiss me.

I know all your little antics and I find them quite adorable, even the annoying ones.

You’re all I need.

You’re all I want.

You’re everything there is in the world to me.

You are my world. Continue reading You Are My World

I am nothing without You. And it scares me to death.

Just woke up from a terrible nightmare. I don’t know why I keep having these reoccurring themes in my nightmares. Especially since I haven’t had a nightmare since I was little. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to go to sleep because I know I’ll just wake up wanting to cry.

The reoccurring theme: You and I broken up.

Or like the one I just woke up from this morning: You and I were broken up and during that time, you started dating some ugly ass chic, then we got back together but you were still dating that chic while dating me. You were a player in my dream and I didn’t think any less of you. All I thought was that I needed to get rid of this ugly chic. Just thinking about it, I wish I could go back into my dream and kill this chic. Literally kill her.

I feel like I’m going out of my mind. I know my brain is just telling me that I’m at a very vulnerable state being so in love with You, and it keeps giving me these situations where I need to find you or get back to you so it can see how I would act to solve my problem(s). And every single time, I am a mess without You.

I am a mess without You in my dreams. I can’t even imagine in real life. I would cease to exist! I am so vulnerable when it comes to loving you. I’ve never been this vulnerable in my life, let alone jealous. Oh my god, I hate being jealous and every time I see that you’re hanging out with your friends (boys or girls) I get so jealous to the point where I don’t even want to talk to you in spite of absolutely nothing! Literally, I’m going crazy.

I just feel like such a mess at the moment. I want to cry. But I’m not going to. I cried once from the first nightmare where You told me to never speak to You again. I cried for a good half-hour, even when I knew it wasn’t real. And I told You everything. But I haven’t told You my other nightmares. And I especially won’t tell You about this morning’s nightmare. But I won’t shed another tear on a fake reality of a nightmare. It’s not worth it.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve never been this jealous or vulnerable before about any guy in my whole entire life. I really do think You are the One, I mean, why else would I be in this state? This crazy-ass state of mind is just driving me nuts. I don’t know how much more I can take.

Am I going to have these nightmares for the rest of my life? Am I going to wake up as the mother of our children, still scared to death that you’re going to leave me for some ugly woman who has much more flaws compared to me? Am I going to have to write down every single nightmare I have, just to get these feelings out of me? And once I do, will they actually leave?

I am nothing without You. And it scares me to death.

Jealousy.

Lately I’ve been scorned with jealousy.

It’s not like me to be this way.

I don’t want to be that jealous girlfriend that slowly becomes a burden to you.

I trust you with all of my heart.

But I just don’t trust them.

You’re amazing, attractive, funny,

Who wouldn’t want you?

Is it this distance that’s driving me up a wall?

Or the infamous happenings of adolescent summers?

The hot summer sun, the beaches, the tans,

The girls in their skimpy bikinis just eyeing you,

Wishing for you to come on over.

Do you think like that too?

That guys are going to be eyeing me at the beach on those hot summer days in my skimpy bikini?

That you dread it and wish you could be there every moment to let others know I’m taken.

Taken by you.

I would hope so.

Because I wish for the same.

What’s wrong with me?

I’ve never been this jealous in my life.

I’m dreading the time apart from you.

Especially with you so far away.

I love summer,

But I don’t love it without you. Continue reading Jealousy.

100 Things of Who I Am:

Every now and then, especially when I am feeling down, I write a list of everything I love about myself. I urge all of you to do so as well. Write as many or as little adjectives or nouns that can describe you. It’s a great self-esteem booster and it really shows how you (or others) perceive yourself, because sometimes people forget. Everyone needs a reminder every now and then of how truly special they are. :)

Continue reading 100 Things of Who I Am: