Category Archives: Poetry

I Deserve You

This is my first poem about you.

This is my first real adult relationship after college.

This is my confession to you:

I love you.

I haven’t told you yet.

It’s only been four months,

but I know this feeling,

and I’m sure in this feeling.

It’s crazy to think about it.

What’s even more crazy is the fact I’ve waited until now to know what I deserve,

and to not take anything less.

I deserve you.

I deserve to be treated with respect.

I deserve to be romanced.

I deserve to be called beautiful every day.

I deserve to have all my inspirations encouraged.

I deserve to have all my aspirations supported.

I deserve to not intimidate you

with my confidence,

with my happiness,

with my grit and determination,

with my success;

as so many men in the past have been.

I deserve to smile when it rains.

I deserve to laugh when I cry.

I deserve to overthink

and have you pull me backwards.

I deserve to try new things.

I deserve to explore new places.

I deserve to have fun.

I deserve to live life to the fullest.

All with you.

I deserve to be loved.

And I want to be loved by you.

Copyright (C) Jennifer Gioia 2018.

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My Final Goodbye

I haven’t written about love

… or loss…

in a couple of years.

Life can grow so busy and routine.

You forget to stop and appreciate the moment.

You forget to appreciate all you have.

You forget how to keep your love life one of worth and value.

And you fall into a rut.

Not everyone welcomes change with open arms.

Some look through the peephole when change comes knocking.

Some run upstairs and hide under the covers.

Some open the door halfway to see what change wants.

Some open the door all the way and invite change into their home.

When it came to graduating college,

I welcomed change into my home.

When it came to moving to a different state,

I welcomed change into my home.

But when it came to attempting a long distance relationship with the man I loved,

I thought I was welcoming change into my home…

But what I really was doing was looking through the peephole.

It took 10 months of long distance to realize I wore blinders.

It took 3 months to realize I had fallen out of love…

It took 1 month to realize I felt like I was single

and no longer in a relationship.

It took 4 months after that to realize I had been making excuses for you.

It took 1 month after that to realize I was grieving.

I had fallen out of love with you.

I wasn’t heartbroken,

but I was grieving.

You were supposed to be the one and only man for me.

You were supposed to support me.

You were supposed to love me.

Instead, you pushed me away,

and I don’t even think you realized it…

It took me 6 months after I broke up with you

to realize you had been slowly pushing me away

since 2015…

People ask me if I regret wasting so many years of my life on you,

so many months waiting for you to grow up.

5 and a half years with you.

They ask if you were holding me back.

I was working full-time,

attending graduate school part-time.

I would have my master’s degree in two years.

You didn’t even have an associate’s…

only unused credits.

8 months have gone by since I’ve broken up with you.

8 months of reflection.

8 months to realize maybe I held you back.

8 months to realize maybe we both held each other back.

When I ended things with you,

I had felt single for the longest time,

I had felt like I put my life on hold for you,

but now I felt free.

I jumped into overdrive.

I met men.

I bought my own car.

I moved into an apartment of my own.

I dated a few men for a short amount of time.

I found out how I deserve to be treated.

I found out what I want in a partner.

I found out what I need in a partner.

And I found out how to look for that.

But I am done.

I am done grieving.

I am done thinking over what could have been.

I am done thinking about all the wrong things that happened between us.

I no longer want to be held back by us,

by what we had.

I wish you the best,

I truly do.

I want you to figure your life out.

I want you to find love again.

I want you to be happy.

But this is my final goodbye.

Autumn is my favorite season.

I think I finally realized why autumn is my favorite season.

It’s because once it really is autumn all the leaves on the trees are bright

yellows,

oranges,

and reds.

They remind me of carrot tops,

which is a term I’ve grown accustomed to throughout my life.

My strawberry blond hair,

I was born with a patch of it on my head.

I used to think it was a burden

with people always calling me a carrot top.

I stood out in a crowd

with my bright strawberry blond hair.

Sometimes I hated it,

but sometimes I enjoyed it,

and it helps me be that type of person that loves

to be the center of attention.

Kind of like the trees

and how they’re so bright,

and they stand out from the deep

forest green of those pine trees around them.

But I think it’s a good thing

that they stand out,

and I think it’s a good thing

that I stand out.

Autumn is my favorite season,

not just because of the beautiful foliage,

and the Halloween holiday,

and my birthday is in the fall.

But also because I can relate to those trees,

and they remind me of myself.

Autumn is my favorite season

because I finally feel like I fit in.

Jennifer Gioia (c) 2015

Adjusting

So many thoughts swirling in my mind,

I’m graduating in a year – crazy!

He mentioned he wants to have a serious talk…

What’re we doing after we graduate?

I’m still trying to figure out where we’re going to live next fall semester!

What if we don’t get a job in the same area?

He said he doesn’t know if he could deal with a long-distance relationship.

I know it’ll be hard,

but I’m confident I could deal with it,

because my love for him is stronger than that.

How am I going to pay for rent right after graduation without a job?

Am I really going to succumb to a retail job until I get a “real” job offer?

I’m trying to adjust to all these new changes,

all these new phases in my life,

and trying to incorporate it into his.

Adjusting is hard

and I haven’t even started yet,

especially with a significant other.

Just thinking about it is stressful.

But at least it’s good that I’m thinking a year ahead.

(And that he’s thinking a year ahead.)

Jennifer Gioia (c) 2014

Trust

I don’t know how people do it.

How can you trust someone

so much

and know that

they’ll never be dishonest with you

and go behind your back

and do something else

with someone you know

is closer to perfection

than you are?

It might be my insecurities

getting the best of me,

because I know that no one is perfect,

but that woman is way closer to it

than me.

What makes you decide

to be so invested,

so secure

in our relationship,

to know that you would

never do anything,

no matter how attractive

the woman in front of you is?

She’s not me.

I believe that I trust you,

I want to.

What if she made a move?

Would you stop her?

Would you tell her you’re in love,

she’s not the one,

I am?

My mind is spinning in circles

over these “what if questions”.

What if your thoughts drift away

and you listen to your body?

Would you allow your body

to control your mind?

Would you let yourself

succumb

to the lust

of someone else’s touch?

These thoughts race through my mind

every now and then.

And I can’t help but think,

and hope,

that you don’t think

these things.

That you love me

and only me.

That you’ll stay true,

and honest,

and show me

that it’s okay to fully trust someone,

that you won’t always get hurt,

that you’re the best thing

that’ll ever happen to me.

That you’re my forever.

My one and only.

Jennifer Gioia (c) 2013

Call Me Beautiful

I hate being cute.

I’m so adorable,

omgeee!

I’m just so freaking cute!

Cute, cute, cute!

Well you know what?

After years of hearing that,

it means nothing to me.

You might as well be saying I’m plain.

I want to hear something different.

You don’t say it as often as I’d like you to,

but when you do, at least it has meaning.

I want to be called pretty.

Beautiful.

Gorgeous.

Stunning.

Mesmerizing.

Maybe it’s just society and their cardboard boxes

making me feel this way,

but it doesn’t matter.

It’s still how I feel.

So change my day.

My week.

My month.

My life.

And call me beautiful.

Jennifer Gioia (c) 2013

Without You

At night I lie awake,

and I think of you.

I wonder if you think of me too.

Do you have just as much trouble

falling asleep without me

as I do you?

I hold back tears,

as I look at the emptiness

next to me in our bed.

They slowly escape anyway.

I wipe them away.

I won’t let myself break.

Why can’t the days move any faster

so you could be in my arms once again?

I feel pathetic,

and lonely,

and lost.

I don’t have a home,

without you.

Continue reading Without You