Category Archives: Journal Entries

Another Reality

I just have to say,
after getting barely any sleep last night,
I do wish you the best.
I do hope you can reevaluate your life
and figure out what you want.

I also hope you can prioritize your life again
but realize how big of a mistake
you’ve made
letting me go
and not keeping me a priority
like I’ve kept you as one.

I thought I’d be by your side
while you sort out your life,
your depression.
I thought I’d be there
with you
as you grow more into who you are.

I thought our love was enough.

I thought our love was stronger than this.
But I guess it wasn’t for you
as much as it still is for me.

I’m still in love with you,
and I don’t know how
to just let you go.

I don’t know how
to live my life
without you in it.

I guess I’ll just have to
take it day by day,
like you will as you figure yourself out.

I’m very proud of you
for being brave
and trying to take charge of your life.
I just wish
you were able to do that
and still have me in your life.

I thought I had decided
I would try to move on last night,
but I wake up this morning
feeling as if I’ve stepped into another reality
and this one isn’t mine.
Because you’re not in it.

I only wish you happiness
and I’m sorry
I wasn’t enough for you.
I love you.

I’m not sure when,
or if,
we’ll talk again,
so I’m saying goodbye for now.

Copyright (C) Jennifer Gioia 2019.

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When You Know, You Just Know

How do you know you’ve found the One?

Your soulmate.

The one you’re supposed to spend

Eternity

With?

Will he make you feel special?

Will he treat you better

Than you ever thought you deserved?

Will he know how to make you smile,

Make you laugh?

Will he know when to give you space?

Will he know when to just listen?

Will he know when you need him?

Will he know all your faults,

All your weaknesses,

All your flaws,

And still accept you

For who you truly are?

Will he think you’re the most beautiful person

To him

No matter if you haven’t showered,

Or just finished crying,

Or are hacking up phlegm?

Will he know how lucky he is

To have you in his life?

Will he tell you how perfect

You are

To him?

Will he shower you with gifts,

Material,

Spiritual,

Physical?

Will he take interest in your passions?

Will he encourage your wildest dreams?

Will he be honest

And

True?

Will he take care of you

The way you always imagined

But never said?

Will he challenge you?

Will he stand by you?

Will he love you,

And

Always remind you of that,

Every

Day?

How do you know you’ve found the One?

Your soulmate.

The one you’re supposed to spend

Eternity

With?

When you know,

You just know.

Copyright (C) Jennifer Gioia 2019.

I know it’s silly, but

Do you believe in fate?

Do you ever think about fate?

What about coincidences?

Well, what about the chance of us growing up 30-45 minutes away from each other until you move down here when you’re 13,

And then about 10 years later, I move down here,

And then a year and a half later, we meet.

What are the chances of that happening?

Is it a coincidence or is it fate?

Is it predestined?

An already spun tapestry of our interconnected lives.

The thread of our souls already intertwined?

Or is the tapestry incomplete?

Slowly spinning more and more as the sun rises and sets,

And the thread of our souls may not look like they will meet

Until they eventually do.

In this tapestry we call life,

Our threads have already met.

But what are the chances we have so many similarities in our upbringing

For it not to be predestined and prespun?

I think about these things.

I know it’s silly, but

it gives me hope.

Copyright (C) Jennifer Gioia 2018.

My Final Goodbye

I haven’t written about love

… or loss…

in a couple of years.

Life can grow so busy and routine.

You forget to stop and appreciate the moment.

You forget to appreciate all you have.

You forget how to keep your love life one of worth and value.

And you fall into a rut.

Not everyone welcomes change with open arms.

Some look through the peephole when change comes knocking.

Some run upstairs and hide under the covers.

Some open the door halfway to see what change wants.

Some open the door all the way and invite change into their home.

When it came to graduating college,

I welcomed change into my home.

When it came to moving to a different state,

I welcomed change into my home.

But when it came to attempting a long distance relationship with the man I loved,

I thought I was welcoming change into my home…

But what I really was doing was looking through the peephole.

It took 10 months of long distance to realize I wore blinders.

It took 3 months to realize I had fallen out of love…

It took 1 month to realize I felt like I was single

and no longer in a relationship.

It took 4 months after that to realize I had been making excuses for you.

It took 1 month after that to realize I was grieving.

I had fallen out of love with you.

I wasn’t heartbroken,

but I was grieving.

You were supposed to be the one and only man for me.

You were supposed to support me.

You were supposed to love me.

Instead, you pushed me away,

and I don’t even think you realized it…

It took me 6 months after I broke up with you

to realize you had been slowly pushing me away

since 2015…

People ask me if I regret wasting so many years of my life on you,

so many months waiting for you to grow up.

5 and a half years with you.

They ask if you were holding me back.

I was working full-time,

attending graduate school part-time.

I would have my master’s degree in two years.

You didn’t even have an associate’s…

only unused credits.

8 months have gone by since I’ve broken up with you.

8 months of reflection.

8 months to realize maybe I held you back.

8 months to realize maybe we both held each other back.

When I ended things with you,

I had felt single for the longest time,

I had felt like I put my life on hold for you,

but now I felt free.

I jumped into overdrive.

I met men.

I bought my own car.

I moved into an apartment of my own.

I dated a few men for a short amount of time.

I found out how I deserve to be treated.

I found out what I want in a partner.

I found out what I need in a partner.

And I found out how to look for that.

But I am done.

I am done grieving.

I am done thinking over what could have been.

I am done thinking about all the wrong things that happened between us.

I no longer want to be held back by us,

by what we had.

I wish you the best,

I truly do.

I want you to figure your life out.

I want you to find love again.

I want you to be happy.

But this is my final goodbye.

“When Dreaming Becomes Dangerous” Inspiration & Major Themes

So, I’ve finally compiled all my sporadic thoughts together to write a preface for my urban fantasy novel, “When Dreaming Becomes Dangerous.”

My inspiration for this novel stems from the outrageous injustices black people and other minorities have had to endure in the U.S., and how it has been in the spotlight way too often since at least 2015.

Yes, I am a white middle-class woman, and I am aware of my privilege, but that doesn’t mean I am any less hurt from watching the people I love feel discriminated, ostracized, and unloved by the American people and corrupted police.

I would also like to mention for all those who don’t think the police are at fault, some are and some aren’t. There is good and bad in everyone. It just so happens that the bad are acting out and causing so many unjustified deaths.

This book is an outlet for me to release my emotions through a world I created where the minorities have been hiding for decades due to a dictatorship-like presidency; however, are slowly boiling over until a climax for justice is reached.

There will be powers not known to our world in this one and magic that I hope will make you envious, but the main theme will be the same: Justice.

This book supports #TalkThePOC and also the campaign #ProjectWomanUp.

#TalkThePOC is an all-inclusive movement inspired by FreeTheLGBT and personal experiences. People of color (POC) are greatly underrepresented in Wattpad fiction. This movement aims to help change that through the promotion of equality and the acknowledgment of the existence of various and beautiful ethnicities, nationalities, and cultures. This movement encourages POC characters, whether they be on the side, or in the center of fiction.

My book features beautiful, confident POC in positions of power and as really good friends. It is unfortunately true that characters of color are extremely lacking in Wattpad fiction, and professionally published fiction in general.

Everyone deserves the same opportunities and respect no matter who they are, what they look like, or where they’re from. I am proud to fight back and represent strong and realistic POC in fiction.

For those who know me personally, you also know of my advocacy for women empowerment and gender equality. What I love about #ProjectWomanUp is that it cuts through all the noise most Wattpad writers and readers are familiar with: damsels in distress and unhealthy, possessive relationships.

Those kinds of stories I’ve seen on Wattpad since the beginning (almost eight years now). This type of love has become idealized. It has become a sick definition of what love is, of what teenagers believe real love looks like, and real love is definitely not that!

I want to read (and write) stories about powerful women, who don’t solely rely on men like their lives depend on it. I want to see amazing women working towards a goal to better themselves, whether or not a lover is in the picture.

So, I am also proud to fight back and represent #ProjectWomanUp through Wattpad by portraying strong female characters in fiction.

I wrote more in depth about #ProjectWomanUp in my previous post. Check it out if you’re interested.

I’ve just briefly touched upon the preface of my book in the blog post. To read more of my preface, click here.

And, as always, thank you to everyone for your unconditional support and encouragement.

2-0-stickers-when-dreaming-becomes-dangerous

“When Dreaming Becomes Dangerous” now a part of #ProjectWomanUp

For those who know me personally, you know of my advocacy for women empowerment and gender equality. Well, my latest novel, “When Dreaming Becomes Dangerous,” is now a part of something that encompasses just that!

What I love about #ProjectWomanUp is that it cuts through all the noise most Wattpad writers and readers are familiar with: damsels in distress and unhealthy, possessive relationships.

Those kinds of stories I’ve seen on Wattpad since the beginning (almost eight years now). This type of love has become idealized. It has become a sick definition of what love is, of what teenagers believe real love looks like, and real love is definitely not that!

I want to read (and write) stories about powerful women, who don’t solely rely on men like their lives depend on it. I want to see amazing women working towards a goal to better themselves, whether or not a lover is in the picture.

I am in love, and it’s the real kind where there is respect, equality, communication, commitment, and genuine care for one another. I have been in love for almost five years now. It is not possessive, though there can still be times when jealousy pops up. It is not demanding, nor cruel, nor painful. What’s painful is our current long distance situation, but that has nothing to do with the love we have for one another.

He’s my best friend. We tell each other everything. We care for each other, more so like parents at times, if I’m being honest. We want to see each other accomplish great things and just be happy. That is real love. That is the kind of love that should be idealized and written about.

Especially on Wattpad, where, yes, there are authors and readers over 18-years-old, but a great deal of their active 45 million monthly members are underage. They are still trying to figure out who they are during their teenage years, which can be crazy difficult with so much being thrown their way. We’ve all been there; we know.

They should read about real love, healthy relationships, and kind friendships.

People who read experience scenarios they might not possibly ever experience in their lives. That’s one of the many reasons why I love reading and writing, but if they’re only reading negative perspectives of what is the ‘norm,’ they will begin to want that ‘norm.’

There are many variations to this quote, but the main idea remains the same:

“You only know what you read.”

So, I am proud to fight back and represent #ProjectWomanUp through Wattpad by portraying strong female characters in fiction.

A little bit about #ProjectWomanUp:

#ProjectWomanUp is a movement started by Alayna (est. October 25th 2015) supporting the empowerment of woman. Women are powerful people in the real world and it’s only fair that they should be portrayed the same way in literature.

Take a look at my new cover for “When Dreaming Becomes Dangerous” with the #ProjectWomanUp sticker and New Adult Reads sticker. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the sticker placements. I am awful when it comes to my internal struggle of keeping things unique, yet also symmetrical.

And thank you again for all your support and encouragement. Without you, it wouldn’t be as worth it for me.

2.0 STICKERS When Dreaming Becomes Dangerous.jpg

 

“Edit like an Editor: A Wattpad Guide to English Grammar, Fiction Writing & Publishing”

I’ve finally taken it upon myself (with the encouragement of my mother) to write an editing, writing and publishing book for Wattpad writers.

Take a look:

Edit like an Editor - Taking Requests

 

Do you find yourself with too many typos? They’re so simple; you don’t understand how you’re not catching them. Grammar and spelling tools also don’t always find your slip-ups.

Is English grammar just not your thing?

Are you a victim of writer’s block?

Do your characters’ personalities fall flat?

Jennifer has compiled this book together through her experiences as a Wattpad editor. She knows what the Wattpad writer struggles with. She wants to help you learn how to not make those slip-ups again and she does so with easy-to-understand writing.

Learn how to edit your work like an editor through these chapters full of detailed explanations, examples, and tips from yours truly.

After reading this book, you will walk away with an understanding of English grammar and will be able to comfortably edit your own work with no doubts.

The end goal for every writer is, of course, publication. Jennifer even has a few tips for you to reach that goal and how to stay on track.

Jennifer has grown as an editor from college courses, textbooks, the Internet, editing others’ work, and editing her own. All references used will be cited so you may also refer to them if you wish to.

A bit about the author: Jennifer has been on Wattpad for over 7 years. She has edited and critiqued other Wattpad writers’ work over a handful of times. Although her editing services are currently closed, you may learn more here.

Highest Ranking #24 in Non-Fiction.

Updates: Every Sunday on Wattpad.com.

Estimated completion date: Spring 2017 (may vary).

Jennifer Gioia. Copyright © 2016. All Rights Reserved.