Tag Archives: depression

I knew this was too good to be true

I knew I was holding my subconscious emotions back.

No one goes from fiercely loving somebody to just… not.

I knew I was handling this heart break too well.

I wasn’t just surprising myself,

but my friends and family too.

I knew I was jumping back into casual dating too quickly,

to forget,

to move on.

I knew this was too good to be true.

With zero communication since it ended,

I’ve gone cold turkey.

Little reminders of you,

I tried hard to forget,

what you meant to me,

what you mean to me.

But love is everywhere.

You can’t ignore that.

At least, not forever.

I thought ignoring it

would make the pain less present.

I thought ignoring it

would make it easier to breathe.

I thought ignoring it

would make it easier to no longer love you.

I read today no communication is the only way to move on.

That until you know you’d feel okay

if you saw the one

you used to love

kissing someone else in the street,

no communication is the only way.

If I saw you

kissing someone else in the street,

I would hope I’d be okay.

But the thought of that right now,

has cracked my subconscious seal.

I’ve broken down.

I still love you.

I still want you in my life.

But I know you’re not my Mr. Right.

You were my Mr. Right Now.

You are my Mr. Wrong.

I deserve my Mr. Right,

but that won’t happen anytime soon

with me still loving you.

I knew this was too good to be true.

Jennifer Gioia (C) 2019

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I Remember

Duncan and I at 12 years old.
Duncan, 8, and I, 12, the day we put him down.

I remember waking up

but not what time.

I remember my father crying

but not knowing why.

I remember the drive to say goodbye

but not where we were headed.

I remember seeing him in pain,

but not being able to help.

I remember my parents talking to a doctor

but not about what.

I remember holding his paw

as he slowly drifted away.

Continue reading I Remember

I am nothing without You. And it scares me to death.

Just woke up from a terrible nightmare. I don’t know why I keep having these reoccurring themes in my nightmares. Especially since I haven’t had a nightmare since I was little. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to go to sleep because I know I’ll just wake up wanting to cry.

The reoccurring theme: You and I broken up.

Or like the one I just woke up from this morning: You and I were broken up and during that time, you started dating some ugly ass chic, then we got back together but you were still dating that chic while dating me. You were a player in my dream and I didn’t think any less of you. All I thought was that I needed to get rid of this ugly chic. Just thinking about it, I wish I could go back into my dream and kill this chic. Literally kill her.

I feel like I’m going out of my mind. I know my brain is just telling me that I’m at a very vulnerable state being so in love with You, and it keeps giving me these situations where I need to find you or get back to you so it can see how I would act to solve my problem(s). And every single time, I am a mess without You.

I am a mess without You in my dreams. I can’t even imagine in real life. I would cease to exist! I am so vulnerable when it comes to loving you. I’ve never been this vulnerable in my life, let alone jealous. Oh my god, I hate being jealous and every time I see that you’re hanging out with your friends (boys or girls) I get so jealous to the point where I don’t even want to talk to you in spite of absolutely nothing! Literally, I’m going crazy.

I just feel like such a mess at the moment. I want to cry. But I’m not going to. I cried once from the first nightmare where You told me to never speak to You again. I cried for a good half-hour, even when I knew it wasn’t real. And I told You everything. But I haven’t told You my other nightmares. And I especially won’t tell You about this morning’s nightmare. But I won’t shed another tear on a fake reality of a nightmare. It’s not worth it.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve never been this jealous or vulnerable before about any guy in my whole entire life. I really do think You are the One, I mean, why else would I be in this state? This crazy-ass state of mind is just driving me nuts. I don’t know how much more I can take.

Am I going to have these nightmares for the rest of my life? Am I going to wake up as the mother of our children, still scared to death that you’re going to leave me for some ugly woman who has much more flaws compared to me? Am I going to have to write down every single nightmare I have, just to get these feelings out of me? And once I do, will they actually leave?

I am nothing without You. And it scares me to death.

The Death Of A First Pet Is Always A Life Changing Experience, Don’t You Think?

Wrote this for my English class. It isn’t due until Friday, and that’s only the ruff draft. This class is so simple, yet so slow! Anywho, let me stop my rambling and you enjoy this shit of a day I had to endure at the ripe age of twelve. Lovely, right?

Continue reading The Death Of A First Pet Is Always A Life Changing Experience, Don’t You Think?

One Year Anniversary of Fairytales!!!

I just want to thank all of my subscribers, fans, and random people who stumble upon my blog while being bored online for all the support you’ve given me. It’s been exactly one year today when I first posted on this blog. Thank you all so much again! I could not have done it without you! (:

– Jenny

I’ve Only Shed One Tear.

 

I’ve only shed one tear,

Because of you.

But I know I’ll shed more.

It’s undeniable.

You know I will.

Because of you,

You’ve shown me

What true happiness is,

What true laughter is,

What true love is.

Because of you,

You’ve shown me

What true sorrow is,

What true regret is,

What true heart break is.

I’ve only shed one tear,

Because of you.

But I know I’ll shed more.

Continue reading I’ve Only Shed One Tear.