Tag Archives: memories

My Final Goodbye

I haven’t written about love

… or loss…

in a couple of years.

Life can grow so busy and routine.

You forget to stop and appreciate the moment.

You forget to appreciate all you have.

You forget how to keep your love life one of worth and value.

And you fall into a rut.

Not everyone welcomes change with open arms.

Some look through the peephole when change comes knocking.

Some run upstairs and hide under the covers.

Some open the door halfway to see what change wants.

Some open the door all the way and invite change into their home.

When it came to graduating college,

I welcomed change into my home.

When it came to moving to a different state,

I welcomed change into my home.

But when it came to attempting a long distance relationship with the man I loved,

I thought I was welcoming change into my home…

But what I really was doing was looking through the peephole.

It took 10 months of long distance to realize I wore blinders.

It took 3 months to realize I had fallen out of love…

It took 1 month to realize I felt like I was single

and no longer in a relationship.

It took 4 months after that to realize I had been making excuses for you.

It took 1 month after that to realize I was grieving.

I had fallen out of love with you.

I wasn’t heartbroken,

but I was grieving.

You were supposed to be the one and only man for me.

You were supposed to support me.

You were supposed to love me.

Instead, you pushed me away,

and I don’t even think you realized it…

It took me 6 months after I broke up with you

to realize you had been slowly pushing me away

since 2015…

People ask me if I regret wasting so many years of my life on you,

so many months waiting for you to grow up.

5 and a half years with you.

They ask if you were holding me back.

I was working full-time,

attending graduate school part-time.

I would have my master’s degree in two years.

You didn’t even have an associate’s…

only unused credits.

8 months have gone by since I’ve broken up with you.

8 months of reflection.

8 months to realize maybe I held you back.

8 months to realize maybe we both held each other back.

When I ended things with you,

I had felt single for the longest time,

I had felt like I put my life on hold for you,

but now I felt free.

I jumped into overdrive.

I met men.

I bought my own car.

I moved into an apartment of my own.

I dated a few men for a short amount of time.

I found out how I deserve to be treated.

I found out what I want in a partner.

I found out what I need in a partner.

And I found out how to look for that.

But I am done.

I am done grieving.

I am done thinking over what could have been.

I am done thinking about all the wrong things that happened between us.

I no longer want to be held back by us,

by what we had.

I wish you the best,

I truly do.

I want you to figure your life out.

I want you to find love again.

I want you to be happy.

But this is my final goodbye.

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My ‘Love for Writing’ Journey: Part Two.

I was finally doing what I loved in my classes: writing. I took poetry and fiction workshops, Greek mythology, Shakespearean studies, young adult literature, children fables, drama and much more. I loved every moment.

During my workshops, I realized I really enjoyed editing and critiquing other writers’ works. I thought maybe I could be an editor if I didn’t find success as a novelist.

I landed the position as the administrative assistant and editorial assistant supervisor for Saranac Review the spring semester of my freshman year. Saranac Review is an international literary journal published by the English department on campus.

I also began editing my friends’ papers and came to the realization that it was more frustrating than I had thought. I don’t like to boast about myself or degrade my generation, but I was appalled by my peers’ lack of proper grammar usage and writing techniques.

Editing wasn’t for me, to say the least.

Then spring semester of my sophomore year came along. I was taking a writing fiction workshop where we focused on writing a short story for the whole semester with multiple drafts. I wrote the short story “Stability.” I received a lot of great feedback and constructive criticism.

However, I realized that becoming a novelist was just a dream; a dream that I could not reach; a dream of from which I would not be able to make a living.

I had to give my dream up.

I freaked out. What was I supposed to do now? What will I do for the rest of my life? I still need a bachelor’s degree to be somewhat successful in life. What was I going to major in now?

These thoughts and questions were swirling through my mind until I found help at SUNY Plattsburgh’s Career Development Center.

I went to them at least twice a week for a month taking personality and aptitude tests and consulting about what my next step was.

I was pointed toward the Department of Public Relations. At first, I didn’t really know what PR was, just that it involved writing and people skills, both of which I possess.

So I filled out the necessary paperwork to change majors but made sure my English writing arts major wasn’t fully wasted. I used 18 of those credits towards an English minor.

I started my PR major by fulfilling the prerequisites, which included public speaking. I fell in love with public speaking. It gave me the confidence that I now hold in speaking to a large group.

I was still working for Saranac Review at the time, so I was also able to maintain my love for literature by working in the department.

My first immersed PR course I took was also with my academic advisor, Professor Colleen Lemza. She sparked my interest in the field with her enthusiasm and great stories of her experience. With PR, I was able to really make a difference in people’s lives with my writing, which, in the end, was what I always wanted.

I undoubtedly believe that without Colleen’s passion for PR, I would have second-guessed my major choice. She helped me find the passion I now have for PR.

Saranac Review gave me the experience as a valued leader in a publication, while the PR department gave me the great knowledge and enthusiasm of the industry.


Look for the third part coming soon. Haven’t read the first? Be a part of my journey here.

My ‘Love for Writing’ Journey: Part One.

Prince Charming saves the princess from an evil witch. That was the first real short story I remember writing. I was seven.

My mother has always encouraged my creative expression through dance, music and writing. Growing up, I expressed myself best through my writing of poetry, fictional short stories, journalling, lyrics and much more.

I have always had a vivid imagination, which would lead me to write anything that popped into my mind. From the beginning when I could first read, I also wrote. I wrote everything: poems about how blue the sky was or how I felt about playing music, and short stories about princesses, detectives or plain ordinary girls with problems just like myself. I started to take writing seriously when I was in seventh grade. I spent numerous hours creating plots; characters; twists and turns; and constantly changing the climax of each story.

Once I reached high school, I realized I could make a career out of my passion.

When I was 14, I stumbled upon two websites that were specifically made for aspiring creative writers. They included poems, lyrics, stories, etc. Quizilla was one, but no longer exists after TeenNick bought it, and Mibba was the second, which rightfully is still alive.

Based on the positive feedback from readers and other amateur writers like myself, I started taking writing more seriously. I love to write fictional romance, fantasy and free-style poetry.

Sophomore year in high school was when I started writing poetry constantly. I’d write poetry anywhere and everywhere: on my homework, my class notes and sometimes even my hand. I love writing poetry because it’s just an easy way to express how I feel. Before poetry entered my life, I used to have such trouble describing how I felt fully to anyone. After poetry, my stress was gone, I could think clearly and relax.

I love reading and writing poetry. I like to read the amateur poetry from poets around my age, with the same burning passion to write and some with the same problems. Those strangers, through the computer of many online writing sites, inspired me to be the amateur poet I am today. I don’t plan on making a career out of my poetry, I just like it as it is now, a hobby. When I was 16, I created this blog as a way to share my expression. I found other inspiring bloggers that shared my passion for all kinds of writing.

As high school graduation grew near, I knew I wanted to write fiction for a living … or at least that’s what I thought.

After graduation, I entered The State University of New York College at Plattsburgh. I started my freshman year as a declared English writing arts major, with the aspirations of becoming a fictional novelist.

Looking back now, I was young, optimistic and naive.


Move along my journey to the second part here. Haven’t read the introduction? Be a part of my journey here.

“If I Could Tell My Adolescent Self What I Know Now” – ELITE DAILY

“If I Could Tell My Adolescent Self What I Know Now” – ELITE DAILY

I stumbled upon this link from my 25-year-old cousin who shared it over Facebook. I believe everyone should read this, no matter your age.

Lena Oh wrote this beautiful article. It made me cry. It made me revaluate my life — past, present, future.

Some of her points are hard to accept with her main point, let go. “Let go of pain; let go of anger; let go of regret; let go of resentment; let go of the past; let go of mistakes; let go of the ex; let go of the disappointment. Surrender it all.”

However, they are all necessary and well-deserving of doing.

I hope this article helps all of you, just as it has helped me.

Call Me Beautiful

I hate being cute.

I’m so adorable,

omgeee!

I’m just so freaking cute!

Cute, cute, cute!

Well you know what?

After years of hearing that,

it means nothing to me.

You might as well be saying I’m plain.

I want to hear something different.

You don’t say it as often as I’d like you to,

but when you do, at least it has meaning.

I want to be called pretty.

Beautiful.

Gorgeous.

Stunning.

Mesmerizing.

Maybe it’s just society and their cardboard boxes

making me feel this way,

but it doesn’t matter.

It’s still how I feel.

So change my day.

My week.

My month.

My life.

And call me beautiful.

Jennifer Gioia (c) 2013

Without You

At night I lie awake,

and I think of you.

I wonder if you think of me too.

Do you have just as much trouble

falling asleep without me

as I do you?

I hold back tears,

as I look at the emptiness

next to me in our bed.

They slowly escape anyway.

I wipe them away.

I won’t let myself break.

Why can’t the days move any faster

so you could be in my arms once again?

I feel pathetic,

and lonely,

and lost.

I don’t have a home,

without you.

Continue reading Without You

New story!

Thanks to my ENG303 Writing Fiction Workshop course, I’ve finished my short story, “Not Meant To Be?”.

Unfortunately, for you, I am only posting once every Friday. So if you would like, click the cover below and be brought to Wattpad.com, where I post most of my original fiction.

Image

Alissa Adams and Marc Archer plan on getting married once they graduate college. However, one drunken girl’s night at the club has lead her waking up next to a naked stranger. Alissa has cheated on her longtime boyfriend, current fiancé. In a state of shock, she makes her way back to her apartment and climbs into bed, hoping it all to be a nightmare. Although fantasy is sending her texts, she needs to answer the door, because reality is knocking.

*** Updates are every Friday, starting March 1, 2013. ***

COPYRIGHT: All my works are copyrighted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. This includes all chapters, prologues/epilogues and associated content (i.e fanfics, teasers and content within blogs, social networks and eReaders). Any unauthorised copying, broadcasting, manipulation, distribution or selling of this work constitutes as an infringement of copyright. Any infringement of this copyright is punishable by law.

Continue reading New story!