Tag Archives: pain

I knew this was too good to be true

I knew I was holding my subconscious emotions back.

No one goes from fiercely loving somebody to just… not.

I knew I was handling this heart break too well.

I wasn’t just surprising myself,

but my friends and family too.

I knew I was jumping back into casual dating too quickly,

to forget,

to move on.

I knew this was too good to be true.

With zero communication since it ended,

I’ve gone cold turkey.

Little reminders of you,

I tried hard to forget,

what you meant to me,

what you mean to me.

But love is everywhere.

You can’t ignore that.

At least, not forever.

I thought ignoring it

would make the pain less present.

I thought ignoring it

would make it easier to breathe.

I thought ignoring it

would make it easier to no longer love you.

I read today no communication is the only way to move on.

That until you know you’d feel okay

if you saw the one

you used to love

kissing someone else in the street,

no communication is the only way.

If I saw you

kissing someone else in the street,

I would hope I’d be okay.

But the thought of that right now,

has cracked my subconscious seal.

I’ve broken down.

I still love you.

I still want you in my life.

But I know you’re not my Mr. Right.

You were my Mr. Right Now.

You are my Mr. Wrong.

I deserve my Mr. Right,

but that won’t happen anytime soon

with me still loving you.

I knew this was too good to be true.

Jennifer Gioia (C) 2019

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Trust

I don’t know how people do it.

How can you trust someone

so much

and know that

they’ll never be dishonest with you

and go behind your back

and do something else

with someone you know

is closer to perfection

than you are?

It might be my insecurities

getting the best of me,

because I know that no one is perfect,

but that woman is way closer to it

than me.

What makes you decide

to be so invested,

so secure

in our relationship,

to know that you would

never do anything,

no matter how attractive

the woman in front of you is?

She’s not me.

I believe that I trust you,

I want to.

What if she made a move?

Would you stop her?

Would you tell her you’re in love,

she’s not the one,

I am?

My mind is spinning in circles

over these “what if questions”.

What if your thoughts drift away

and you listen to your body?

Would you allow your body

to control your mind?

Would you let yourself

succumb

to the lust

of someone else’s touch?

These thoughts race through my mind

every now and then.

And I can’t help but think,

and hope,

that you don’t think

these things.

That you love me

and only me.

That you’ll stay true,

and honest,

and show me

that it’s okay to fully trust someone,

that you won’t always get hurt,

that you’re the best thing

that’ll ever happen to me.

That you’re my forever.

My one and only.

Jennifer Gioia (c) 2013

“If I Could Tell My Adolescent Self What I Know Now” – ELITE DAILY

“If I Could Tell My Adolescent Self What I Know Now” – ELITE DAILY

I stumbled upon this link from my 25-year-old cousin who shared it over Facebook. I believe everyone should read this, no matter your age.

Lena Oh wrote this beautiful article. It made me cry. It made me revaluate my life — past, present, future.

Some of her points are hard to accept with her main point, let go. “Let go of pain; let go of anger; let go of regret; let go of resentment; let go of the past; let go of mistakes; let go of the ex; let go of the disappointment. Surrender it all.”

However, they are all necessary and well-deserving of doing.

I hope this article helps all of you, just as it has helped me.

Let Me See

 

I will cry no longer.

I have become stronger.

My mistakes and my anger,

They tore me down,

And made me frown.

But I’m coming back around.

I’m heading high,

Up towards the sky,

I’ve stopped asking why.

I am following you,

To see what to do.

Because like the few,

You are invincible.

You are my miracle.

And don’t forget irresistible.

You have forgiven me.

It is time to find the key.

So please let me see,

Because we were meant to be. Continue reading Let Me See

My First Tattoo.

I’m writing about my first tattoo and I don’t know how to start it… Well let’s start with how my day began.

I woke up at eleven in the morning, because what other time is a college student supposed to wake up at during winter break, and ate some oatmeal. My Google search taught me that it’s good to eat something at least an hour before your tattoo. Not something too light like a salad or too heavy like pasta. I chose oatmeal, because one it’s delicious, two it fills me up, and three it takes only one minute in the microwave.

After I ate, I took a shower. Google said that it’s good to wash your body before you get your tattoo done. The reasoning behind it is so the artist doesn’t think you smell bad and rush through the tat. When I was finally ready to go around two in the afternoon, I drove to the bank with my mum and my best friend Victor. I stopped by the bank to get cash, because most places like to get paid in cash.

Then it was go time. I was somewhat nervous, somewhat excited. Just like on the first day of college. Except college wouldn’t hurt you.

When I reached the tattoo shop I talked to the artist Chad. I went to Skin City in New Windsor, New York. I love the environment there. It’s clean, has nice decor, good music, and nice people.

Chad and I talked about the tattoo design and where I wanted to get it. Originally, it was going to be on my bikini line, however we decided to make it a little higher, so it could contort well with my hips and curves. Once we got the design done, he put the stencil on me. I loved it. When he was about to begin, my heart was pounding and I told my mum to grab my hand.

Once the needle went into my skin, it hurt a little bit. Once he got to the bone, it hurt a lot to the point where I was actually making noise. I tried to focus on my breathing and the music around me. Then I tried concentrating on my mum and Victor’s conversation, joining in every now and then. At some points when Chad was on the bone, I couldn’t even think, let alone talk. However, the pain was bearable.

Once the stencil was finished, my endorphins kicked in and it was numb. I could barely tell when the needle was in my skin, except for when he was on the bone. Once he started filling in the stars and the crescent moon, it hurt a little bit. It just felt like someone was scratching you over and over again in the same spot. After a while, it became numb again.

It took about 45 minutes to an hour to finish the tattoo. Chad was very nice and interesting to talk to. I was so proud of myself. I surprised myself with the fact that I could handle that type of pain. It really wasn’t that bad. Everybody makes out tattoos as very painful, regrettable decisions. However, mine was bearable and I know I will never regret my tattoo.

I got this certain tattoo because of my love for the sea, the moon, and the stars. When I go to the beach and swim in the ocean, I am the most content that I can be. The ocean has been a part of my life since I can remember. My family and I go down to the Jersey Shore every summer. We’ve also been to Florida, the Caribbean, and Mexico. When I’m in the sea, on a boat, my life comes to a halt and I just indulge in the beauty of it all.

The reason I got the moon is a very complex reason. I have always had a love for the moon. I am a night person, and obviously during the night, the moon is out. When I see the moon, I am at peace. It’s just soothing. I think it’s incredible how the moon can control the sea’s waves. My favorite animal is the wolf and the wolf’s love for the moon is just another reason for me to love it as well. I got the stars because I just think that when the night sky is clear, the moon is hanging high, and its so starry, that it’s just beautiful. I’ve always had a curiosity for the moon and stars. What’s out there in space? What are all these constellations? What are stars made out of? I love astronomy as well as astrology and stars just seem to represent both.

The wording, “Stella del Maré” stands for Star of the Sea in Italian. I chose Italian, because I am half Italian. My father’s side is all Italian and I take pride in my nationality. I know some Italian and plan on taking more courses in college to further my knowledge of such a beautiful language.

I love my tattoo and how it incorporates all three of my favorite things that I love into one. My tattoo has many memories behind it of the sea, as well as my favorite animal, my aspiration for knowledge about astrology and astronomy, and my nationality.

I chose the spot to be on my left hip because it’s near my bikini line and I always wear bikinis at the beach. I really don’t know why I chose my left side. I feel like it was a subconscious decision. My cartilage piercing is also only on my left ear. Research shows that you chose whatever side opposite of your writing hand. I’m a righty, so I picked my left side of the body. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but whatever. I also chose my hip, because it’s a spot where it can be hidden underneath clothing. I know I will be getting a professional job and you have to look professional, so it’s in a good spot where I can hide it if need be.

I love my tattoo and can’t wait to get my next two. (: And yes, you read correctly, I plan on getting another two. However, no more.

If Only…

I love being around you,

I love being with you.

I love your crazy little antics.

I love your eyes,

The way you smile,

And your laugh.

I love when you hold me,

Like nothing will ever harm me.

I love sleeping next to you,

And waking up to your face.

I love so much of you,

Yet I won’t say it.

If only I wasn’t dreadfully afraid of love,

Of the word.

I think I’m just afraid to let you in.

I’m afraid of getting hurt,

Again.

I want to let you in,

But something’s holding me back.

If only…

Continue reading If Only…