Tag Archives: relationship

My Final Goodbye

I haven’t written about love

… or loss…

in a couple of years.

Life can grow so busy and routine.

You forget to stop and appreciate the moment.

You forget to appreciate all you have.

You forget how to keep your love life one of worth and value.

And you fall into a rut.

Not everyone welcomes change with open arms.

Some look through the peephole when change comes knocking.

Some run upstairs and hide under the covers.

Some open the door halfway to see what change wants.

Some open the door all the way and invite change into their home.

When it came to graduating college,

I welcomed change into my home.

When it came to moving to a different state,

I welcomed change into my home.

But when it came to attempting a long distance relationship with the man I loved,

I thought I was welcoming change into my home…

But what I really was doing was looking through the peephole.

It took 10 months of long distance to realize I wore blinders.

It took 3 months to realize I had fallen out of love…

It took 1 month to realize I felt like I was single

and no longer in a relationship.

It took 4 months after that to realize I had been making excuses for you.

It took 1 month after that to realize I was grieving.

I had fallen out of love with you.

I wasn’t heartbroken,

but I was grieving.

You were supposed to be the one and only man for me.

You were supposed to support me.

You were supposed to love me.

Instead, you pushed me away,

and I don’t even think you realized it…

It took me 6 months after I broke up with you

to realize you had been slowly pushing me away

since 2015…

People ask me if I regret wasting so many years of my life on you,

so many months waiting for you to grow up.

5 and a half years with you.

They ask if you were holding me back.

I was working full-time,

attending graduate school part-time.

I would have my master’s degree in two years.

You didn’t even have an associate’s…

only unused credits.

8 months have gone by since I’ve broken up with you.

8 months of reflection.

8 months to realize maybe I held you back.

8 months to realize maybe we both held each other back.

When I ended things with you,

I had felt single for the longest time,

I had felt like I put my life on hold for you,

but now I felt free.

I jumped into overdrive.

I met men.

I bought my own car.

I moved into an apartment of my own.

I dated a few men for a short amount of time.

I found out how I deserve to be treated.

I found out what I want in a partner.

I found out what I need in a partner.

And I found out how to look for that.

But I am done.

I am done grieving.

I am done thinking over what could have been.

I am done thinking about all the wrong things that happened between us.

I no longer want to be held back by us,

by what we had.

I wish you the best,

I truly do.

I want you to figure your life out.

I want you to find love again.

I want you to be happy.

But this is my final goodbye.


“When Dreaming Becomes Dangerous” Book Trailer

One of my AWESOME editing clients from India took it upon herself to create an AWESOME book trailer for my book, “When Dreaming Becomes Dangerous.”


So many thoughts swirling in my mind,

I’m graduating in a year – crazy!

He mentioned he wants to have a serious talk…

What’re we doing after we graduate?

I’m still trying to figure out where we’re going to live next fall semester!

What if we don’t get a job in the same area?

He said he doesn’t know if he could deal with a long-distance relationship.

I know it’ll be hard,

but I’m confident I could deal with it,

because my love for him is stronger than that.

How am I going to pay for rent right after graduation without a job?

Am I really going to succumb to a retail job until I get a “real” job offer?

I’m trying to adjust to all these new changes,

all these new phases in my life,

and trying to incorporate it into his.

Adjusting is hard

and I haven’t even started yet,

especially with a significant other.

Just thinking about it is stressful.

But at least it’s good that I’m thinking a year ahead.

(And that he’s thinking a year ahead.)

Jennifer Gioia (c) 2014


I don’t know how people do it.

How can you trust someone

so much

and know that

they’ll never be dishonest with you

and go behind your back

and do something else

with someone you know

is closer to perfection

than you are?

It might be my insecurities

getting the best of me,

because I know that no one is perfect,

but that woman is way closer to it

than me.

What makes you decide

to be so invested,

so secure

in our relationship,

to know that you would

never do anything,

no matter how attractive

the woman in front of you is?

She’s not me.

I believe that I trust you,

I want to.

What if she made a move?

Would you stop her?

Would you tell her you’re in love,

she’s not the one,

I am?

My mind is spinning in circles

over these “what if questions”.

What if your thoughts drift away

and you listen to your body?

Would you allow your body

to control your mind?

Would you let yourself


to the lust

of someone else’s touch?

These thoughts race through my mind

every now and then.

And I can’t help but think,

and hope,

that you don’t think

these things.

That you love me

and only me.

That you’ll stay true,

and honest,

and show me

that it’s okay to fully trust someone,

that you won’t always get hurt,

that you’re the best thing

that’ll ever happen to me.

That you’re my forever.

My one and only.

Jennifer Gioia (c) 2013

I am nothing without You. And it scares me to death.

Just woke up from a terrible nightmare. I don’t know why I keep having these reoccurring themes in my nightmares. Especially since I haven’t had a nightmare since I was little. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to go to sleep because I know I’ll just wake up wanting to cry.

The reoccurring theme: You and I broken up.

Or like the one I just woke up from this morning: You and I were broken up and during that time, you started dating some ugly ass chic, then we got back together but you were still dating that chic while dating me. You were a player in my dream and I didn’t think any less of you. All I thought was that I needed to get rid of this ugly chic. Just thinking about it, I wish I could go back into my dream and kill this chic. Literally kill her.

I feel like I’m going out of my mind. I know my brain is just telling me that I’m at a very vulnerable state being so in love with You, and it keeps giving me these situations where I need to find you or get back to you so it can see how I would act to solve my problem(s). And every single time, I am a mess without You.

I am a mess without You in my dreams. I can’t even imagine in real life. I would cease to exist! I am so vulnerable when it comes to loving you. I’ve never been this vulnerable in my life, let alone jealous. Oh my god, I hate being jealous and every time I see that you’re hanging out with your friends (boys or girls) I get so jealous to the point where I don’t even want to talk to you in spite of absolutely nothing! Literally, I’m going crazy.

I just feel like such a mess at the moment. I want to cry. But I’m not going to. I cried once from the first nightmare where You told me to never speak to You again. I cried for a good half-hour, even when I knew it wasn’t real. And I told You everything. But I haven’t told You my other nightmares. And I especially won’t tell You about this morning’s nightmare. But I won’t shed another tear on a fake reality of a nightmare. It’s not worth it.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve never been this jealous or vulnerable before about any guy in my whole entire life. I really do think You are the One, I mean, why else would I be in this state? This crazy-ass state of mind is just driving me nuts. I don’t know how much more I can take.

Am I going to have these nightmares for the rest of my life? Am I going to wake up as the mother of our children, still scared to death that you’re going to leave me for some ugly woman who has much more flaws compared to me? Am I going to have to write down every single nightmare I have, just to get these feelings out of me? And once I do, will they actually leave?

I am nothing without You. And it scares me to death.

Without You

Without you, there will be no light.

Without you, there will be no point.

Without you, there will be no me.

Without you, everyday will be a fight.

Without you, my hip will have no shared joint.

Without you, I won’t know what to be.

Without you, my life will seem dreary.

Without you, I won’t know what to do.

Without you, I will be incomplete.

Without you, I will become weary.

Without you, the sky will never be blue.

Without you, there will be no one to share the bed sheet.

Without you, I will want to hide.

Without you, my brains will lack ration.

Without you, I will have no life.

Without you, there will be no one by my side.

Without you, my soul will crave for passion.

Without you, my heart will be in strife.

Continue reading Without You


You show me desire.

You show me passion.

You give me the burning urge

For curiosity, discovery and exploration.

Then you leave me,

All alone,

Wondering where you’ve gone.

Now you’re back, calling my phone,

And I keep thinking to myself that

I’m now stronger than before,

I’m over you.

I repeat to myself all the more:

Why do you stop and stare?

Why do you wonder how I’m not there?

Can’t you see that I don’t care?

Why can’t you just let me be?

Can’t you give back my heart’s key?

I hope you have a nice life without me.

Continue reading Gone.