Tag Archives: writing

You’re my safe bet

We spoke for a while before meeting,

and I thought you were so much

fun.

We have a lot in common,

you’re witty,

and a total nerd.

But you’re not my type,

and I feel shallow saying it.

I’ve stuck it out

because I enjoy your company.

I’m the type to fall quickly.

I’m a hopeless romantic.

I’ll be honest,

I haven’t tried to feel

anything more than in the moment with you.

And while it’s always a great time,

there’s no passion.

I need a deep burning romance.

I need to feel nervous yet excited.

I need to feel something.

Yet I feel nothing with you,

at least nothing that resembles raw passion.

I will admit,

the physical aspect of our relationship is amazing,

but I need emotional passion

that I’m just not getting with you.

It’s not that you’re not giving it to me,

it’s that I can’t find it in myself to feel towards you.

You’re my safe bet.

I’ve realized that now.

I know I won’t be heartbroken with you,

but maybe I want to be,

or at least have the need

to be vulnerable and passionate with someone again

that gives the possibility of a heartbreak,

because then I know it’s real.

Should I nip this in the bud

before you get hurt?

You deserve to be loved fiercely,

and so do I,

but I’m just not your person,

and you’re just not mine.

You’re my save bet.

I knew this was too good to be true

I knew I was holding my subconscious emotions back.

No one goes from fiercely loving somebody to just… not.

I knew I was handling this heart break too well.

I wasn’t just surprising myself,

but my friends and family too.

I knew I was jumping back into casual dating too quickly,

to forget,

to move on.

I knew this was too good to be true.

With zero communication since it ended,

I’ve gone cold turkey.

Little reminders of you,

I tried hard to forget,

what you meant to me,

what you mean to me.

But love is everywhere.

You can’t ignore that.

At least, not forever.

I thought ignoring it

would make the pain less present.

I thought ignoring it

would make it easier to breathe.

I thought ignoring it

would make it easier to no longer love you.

I read today no communication is the only way to move on.

That until you know you’d feel okay

if you saw the one

you used to love

kissing someone else in the street,

no communication is the only way.

If I saw you

kissing someone else in the street,

I would hope I’d be okay.

But the thought of that right now,

has cracked my subconscious seal.

I’ve broken down.

I still love you.

I still want you in my life.

But I know you’re not my Mr. Right.

You were my Mr. Right Now.

You are my Mr. Wrong.

I deserve my Mr. Right,

but that won’t happen anytime soon

with me still loving you.

I knew this was too good to be true.

Jennifer Gioia (C) 2019

I know it’s silly, but

Do you believe in fate?

Do you ever think about fate?

What about coincidences?

Well, what about the chance of us growing up 30-45 minutes away from each other until you move down here when you’re 13,

And then about 10 years later, I move down here,

And then a year and a half later, we meet.

What are the chances of that happening?

Is it a coincidence or is it fate?

Is it predestined?

An already spun tapestry of our interconnected lives.

The thread of our souls already intertwined?

Or is the tapestry incomplete?

Slowly spinning more and more as the sun rises and sets,

And the thread of our souls may not look like they will meet

Until they eventually do.

In this tapestry we call life,

Our threads have already met.

But what are the chances we have so many similarities in our upbringing

For it not to be predestined and prespun?

I think about these things.

I know it’s silly, but

it gives me hope.

Copyright (C) Jennifer Gioia 2018.

I Deserve You

This is my first poem about you.

This is my first real adult relationship after college.

This is my confession to you:

I love you.

I haven’t told you yet.

It’s only been four months,

but I know this feeling,

and I’m sure in this feeling.

It’s crazy to think about it.

What’s even more crazy is the fact I’ve waited until now to know what I deserve,

and to not take anything less.

I deserve you.

I deserve to be treated with respect.

I deserve to be romanced.

I deserve to be called beautiful every day.

I deserve to have all my inspirations encouraged.

I deserve to have all my aspirations supported.

I deserve to not intimidate you

with my confidence,

with my happiness,

with my grit and determination,

with my success;

as so many men in the past have been.

I deserve to smile when it rains.

I deserve to laugh when I cry.

I deserve to overthink

and have you pull me backwards.

I deserve to try new things.

I deserve to explore new places.

I deserve to have fun.

I deserve to live life to the fullest.

All with you.

I deserve to be loved.

And I want to be loved by you.

Copyright (C) Jennifer Gioia 2018.

My Final Goodbye

I haven’t written about love

… or loss…

in a couple of years.

Life can grow so busy and routine.

You forget to stop and appreciate the moment.

You forget to appreciate all you have.

You forget how to keep your love life one of worth and value.

And you fall into a rut.

Not everyone welcomes change with open arms.

Some look through the peephole when change comes knocking.

Some run upstairs and hide under the covers.

Some open the door halfway to see what change wants.

Some open the door all the way and invite change into their home.

When it came to graduating college,

I welcomed change into my home.

When it came to moving to a different state,

I welcomed change into my home.

But when it came to attempting a long distance relationship with the man I loved,

I thought I was welcoming change into my home…

But what I really was doing was looking through the peephole.

It took 10 months of long distance to realize I wore blinders.

It took 3 months to realize I had fallen out of love…

It took 1 month to realize I felt like I was single

and no longer in a relationship.

It took 4 months after that to realize I had been making excuses for you.

It took 1 month after that to realize I was grieving.

I had fallen out of love with you.

I wasn’t heartbroken,

but I was grieving.

You were supposed to be the one and only man for me.

You were supposed to support me.

You were supposed to love me.

Instead, you pushed me away,

and I don’t even think you realized it…

It took me 6 months after I broke up with you

to realize you had been slowly pushing me away

since 2015…

People ask me if I regret wasting so many years of my life on you,

so many months waiting for you to grow up.

5 and a half years with you.

They ask if you were holding me back.

I was working full-time,

attending graduate school part-time.

I would have my master’s degree in two years.

You didn’t even have an associate’s…

only unused credits.

8 months have gone by since I’ve broken up with you.

8 months of reflection.

8 months to realize maybe I held you back.

8 months to realize maybe we both held each other back.

When I ended things with you,

I had felt single for the longest time,

I had felt like I put my life on hold for you,

but now I felt free.

I jumped into overdrive.

I met men.

I bought my own car.

I moved into an apartment of my own.

I dated a few men for a short amount of time.

I found out how I deserve to be treated.

I found out what I want in a partner.

I found out what I need in a partner.

And I found out how to look for that.

But I am done.

I am done grieving.

I am done thinking over what could have been.

I am done thinking about all the wrong things that happened between us.

I no longer want to be held back by us,

by what we had.

I wish you the best,

I truly do.

I want you to figure your life out.

I want you to find love again.

I want you to be happy.

But this is my final goodbye.

“When Dreaming Becomes Dangerous” Inspiration & Major Themes

So, I’ve finally compiled all my sporadic thoughts together to write a preface for my urban fantasy novel, “When Dreaming Becomes Dangerous.”

My inspiration for this novel stems from the outrageous injustices black people and other minorities have had to endure in the U.S., and how it has been in the spotlight way too often since at least 2015.

Yes, I am a white middle-class woman, and I am aware of my privilege, but that doesn’t mean I am any less hurt from watching the people I love feel discriminated, ostracized, and unloved by the American people and corrupted police.

I would also like to mention for all those who don’t think the police are at fault, some are and some aren’t. There is good and bad in everyone. It just so happens that the bad are acting out and causing so many unjustified deaths.

This book is an outlet for me to release my emotions through a world I created where the minorities have been hiding for decades due to a dictatorship-like presidency; however, are slowly boiling over until a climax for justice is reached.

There will be powers not known to our world in this one and magic that I hope will make you envious, but the main theme will be the same: Justice.

This book supports #TalkThePOC and also the campaign #ProjectWomanUp.

#TalkThePOC is an all-inclusive movement inspired by FreeTheLGBT and personal experiences. People of color (POC) are greatly underrepresented in Wattpad fiction. This movement aims to help change that through the promotion of equality and the acknowledgment of the existence of various and beautiful ethnicities, nationalities, and cultures. This movement encourages POC characters, whether they be on the side, or in the center of fiction.

My book features beautiful, confident POC in positions of power and as really good friends. It is unfortunately true that characters of color are extremely lacking in Wattpad fiction, and professionally published fiction in general.

Everyone deserves the same opportunities and respect no matter who they are, what they look like, or where they’re from. I am proud to fight back and represent strong and realistic POC in fiction.

For those who know me personally, you also know of my advocacy for women empowerment and gender equality. What I love about #ProjectWomanUp is that it cuts through all the noise most Wattpad writers and readers are familiar with: damsels in distress and unhealthy, possessive relationships.

Those kinds of stories I’ve seen on Wattpad since the beginning (almost eight years now). This type of love has become idealized. It has become a sick definition of what love is, of what teenagers believe real love looks like, and real love is definitely not that!

I want to read (and write) stories about powerful women, who don’t solely rely on men like their lives depend on it. I want to see amazing women working towards a goal to better themselves, whether or not a lover is in the picture.

So, I am also proud to fight back and represent #ProjectWomanUp through Wattpad by portraying strong female characters in fiction.

I wrote more in depth about #ProjectWomanUp in my previous post. Check it out if you’re interested.

I’ve just briefly touched upon the preface of my book in the blog post. To read more of my preface, click here.

And, as always, thank you to everyone for your unconditional support and encouragement.

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